Two weeks ago we learned your tummy made the doctors a little worried.
When they took a peek at you inside my belly, they saw something that didn’t seem quite right. Without knowing the full picture, they didn’t let us know right away but a few days later I got a phone call that made my heart sink to my feet.
We learned the name for what they were worried about, but because I was on my way down south on a trip with your Gammy and Aunt, I couldn’t be with your daddy and big brother to talk it all through. You don’t know me very well yet, but your mama needs to talk things through when something is wrong.
Those two weeks that bring us to today passed by so slowly. We had to wait for our appointment at the hospital, where a new set of doctors would take another look at you. We had that appointment on Wednesday and they told us what I already knew in my heart – something was missing to make your stomach work 100% normally.
Duodenal atresia. Words we couldn’t have dreamed up, let alone had ever heard spoken. But because we had known for a week and a half that this diagnosis was a possibility, we had made our peace, so in that room when they confirmed what was going on, we were not surprised.
Do you know how lucky we are, baby girl? To live now, when your doctors can look inside my belly and see you to your very bones? To live now, when they know the names for these conditions and what repairs are necessary? It only breaks my heart to know you will go through something like surgery when you’ve just been born, but I can only feel lucky and so thankful that if this is our hand, we live in such a time as this.
There is more to your story, though.
Babies who have DA can sometimes also have Down’s Syndrome, which can lead to other problems, specifically those related to the heart. Of course we know your heart is perfect, but that same day they confirmed your tummy needed repairs, they took a very close look at your heart. We were so relieved to know that everything looked healthy, but sometimes a baby can still have Downs while physically appearing okay. So, myself and daddy decided we should get an amniocentesis done to know whether or not you also have Downs.
And that’s where we are at right now, little girl. I know you know what’s going on, but you’re still a mystery to me. I’m waiting on the phone call that will tell us this last little bit of your story. And once we have all the pieces, we’ll know how to best help and care for you. No matter what the phone call says, I will feel neither relief or disappointment because all it tells me is who you are genetically, but the answer to the question of who you are spiritually is something I already know.
So, I wait. We have a few plans for your surgery in place, but we’ll know more information a week from Monday when the rest of the tests are completed and we meet with your surgeon. I continue to be amazed at the way this is being handled by the hospitals we’ve been working with. Everyone is so kind, thoughtful and wonderful to talk with. You’ll meet them all soon enough.
Let’s leave it at this for now, until we know the rest. I love you, baby girl.