Two years ago, I wrote this and it’s been sitting, unfinished, in my drafts folder –
Somewhere in my dreams, I have a place I go to where you’re always small.
Of course, this morning, you informed me you’re a “little fella.” You aren’t even three yet, so you are still small, but each day I’m watching you change and grow.
When I let myself get caught up in the days, I think I may rush you to grow up a little faster. I may push you to hurry up, and come along, and stop that and use your manners. Luckily, you don’t always listen.
I wrote that January 25, 2015 at 10:07pm. Here I am, two years and one day later, and I still feel this way only now I have two children to worry about growing older.
At that time, Alex and myself split the bedtime duties for Ezra. I always got the snuggles.
This is still true, except not so much with Penny because it’s hard to be two places at once. Not to mention, she’s not much of a snuggler.
But Ezra? He has always been one.
I am his “special mommy,” as he says and, of course, he is my “special Ezra.” A little nighttime snuggle is what I look forward to at the end of the day. From then, when I wrote those words and he was still rocked at night (though at that time it was just a matter of days before it was time to convert his crib to a toddler bed), to now when we talk about his day and Star Wars and any other number of boy things, I treasure those moments.
Somehow, from 2015 to now I went from being mommy to just mom. Every day, there are a little changes that bring him further and further from that baby in the picture. And one day, it will be enough for him to just tell me goodnight.
Until then, it’s whispers in the dark about anything and everything (mostly Star Wars). A hug. A little hand in mine.
And maybe, by the time goodnight is just enough, Penny will decide she really is a snuggler after all.